My journey to feel better about myself through the action of not using mirrors ended yesterday. It was quite the experience and I am really glad I was able to take a month out of my life to create and participate in trying something new to benefit myself. So often in life, caring about yourself and doing something that is going to make a difference for yourself is overlooked. Many people put a lot of effort and time into helping others that they forget to help themselves.
My mission was to feel better about my body when I looked in the mirror. There has always been an unconscious effort to point out my physical flaws when I looked in the mirror. So, at the end of this 30 day period, I can successfully say that it did have quite an impact on the way I see myself. After spending a month feeling smooth curves, strong muscles, and how I felt inside I realize there’s so much more that I was missing out on. Associating my body with fat was doing a disservice to myself.
There’s a difference between being self aware and being negative. I never call myself fat and I would never tell anyone I was either. I have maintained that I am chubby, not a place I want to be either but fat has such a negative connotation to me. Everyone has fat on their body so being all fat is not true. My legs are quite muscular, my shoulders are more defined than I give them credit for, my forearms are slender, I’m smaller around the hips. My problem is my stomach… and my chin if you’re trying to take my picture. I have other spots I’d like to see reduction in but main issue has always been my stomach. That’s why I give myself a mental beating in the mirror because that’s mainly what I see. I know I need to lose weight but there is no reason to constantly focus on the negative.
So, not looking in the mirror helped me realize that feeling good about how I look makes me more confident in every day life. I found myself being a little more outgoing when I wasn’t worried out I looked. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not outgoing. However, I walked around a bit more talking to people at work and found myself more willing to say hello when I was out and about. I felt comfortable in my skin for the most part. I allowed myself to feel thin and be happy that I’m heading in the direction I want to be in physically.
I did feel like a vampire though. When I’d walk into the restroom at the office, I’d look at the mirror before I got to it. Never seeing myself in the mirror was a little off putting but it became more of a game by the end of the month. The ways I’d avoid the mirror got to be comical. Of course, this is only out in public as the mirror is properly blocked off at home. The mirrors out in nature, aka everywhere, are difficult to be avoided. I realized how often I was looking in the mirror by not looking in them. I don’t need a mirror to validate my looks. I need to feel good on the inside and then the mirror will be generally unnecessary for how I was using it.
I looked in the mirror for the first time in a month this morning and for the first time ever, I smiled. This is what I instinctively called fat every day for years? I realize how little credit I give myself in terms of the positive. Do I still have work to do? Yes. Am I going to obsess about how I look in the interim? No.
I also discovered I had lost 8lbs! So, by paying attention to how I felt and being positive I was able to appreciate myself and the weight reciprocated those actions into results. I appreciate that, body. In an effort to continue the progress, I’ve decided to continue doing this until the end of the year. Now, I will probably wait until October 1st to be solid again because I have caught myself glancing and looking today. I need some time to appreciate and see how I will react to this rediscovered ability to look in the mirror. Then, I want to be back on it. Focusing on the body that I want and feeling good while I’m on my way.